Post-Coital Blues
So I had my audition today . . . Kinda nerve-wracking, long wait beforehand (though I will insist on getting there early), and I felt pretty psyched and confident before I got called up. They called us five at a time and had us sitting at chairs just off the room – yes, there was a wall in the way, but no door so you could hear the people before you delivering their monologue. Not a good feeling, but I think I got the headspace thing right (don’t think of your lack of experience, don’t think of your bullshit CV and crappy headshot, don’t think of all the years of full time study the others have been through, ignore the fact you’ve never done anything professionally . . . ). I was first up out of my group of five, so at least I didn’t have to sit around sweating on it too long.
Auditions - Kinda like this, only without the hot, creepy Japanese chick. Well, not really like this at all.
I was worried yesterday I was underprepared, but I actually think I pulled my monologue off well. There were about fifteen directors in the room, and I got chuckles, and even laughs, in the funny bits which boosted my confidence and probably made me sparkle and play up a little more but I think that’s a good thing. I came out of there feeling good, but trying not to think or feel regardless (lest those “fuck, I’m crap” thoughts come back).
So I reward myself with a cooked veg breakfast at some wanky café in Middle Park down the road and slowly meandered home. Voted on some contests on Worth, then finished my book I was just a few pages off finishing. Lunar Park, Brett Easton Ellis. Actually a pretty draining experience, and probably opened up a few wounds for me too. I don’t know how much of it was real and how much was clever bullshit – at least in terms of emotional outreach – but despite (or because of) the obvious self-centeredness and the erratic, calculated use of form, it really got intense at the end.
So yeah. Now I’ve finished my audition, finished my book, finished another busy weekend and I’m feeling drained and used up. I’d like to feel like I’ve accomplished something, like I’m making progress but I just feel empty, tired and a little despondent.
I hate auditions. Give me an audience, give me a performance, any day over an audition . . .
Good Things Happening Today . . .
I had two nice surprises today, both of which caused me to do a little hoppy-dance of joy around the small space of carpet in my room.
Firstly, I got an audition for Short and Sweet. Doesn’t mean I’ll get a part, but just getting a foot in the door is exciting for me; besides, I need to go for more auditions just for the practice. I figure I’ll do the same monologue again (one of Jo’s speeches from Low Level Panic by Clare McIntyre), I just hope it’s not one every pudgy girl of my age group chooses. Two minutes just seems so short to show off, doesn’t it?
And then, only about an hour after I got the email about the audition, I won my first Head-to-Head on Worth! These are mini-competitions where 2 to 8 players go against each other in a competition of their choosing. This was a bit of a twist on the “In-a, With-a, While-a” with one person picking the genre, the next person picked the time period, the next the animal protagonist, and the last player chose the hit-list of banned things to write about. So we had a tragedy, set in the Age of Enlightenment, featuring a peacock protagonist, but everything had to be indoors, characters could only shout, and there could be no mention of feathers.
These were tough constraints, and ones that were a stretch for me. For most of the voting period I was coming second – no surprise, I didn’t think this was my finest work especially since I tried to match the writing style with that of the era (and hoped that no one picked I was bullshitting my way into knowing anything authoritative). This morning I woke up and low and behold – I was coming first, and by the time voting finished I had ended up with my first score over 8! Hoppy-dance time!
You can read my story for yourselves here: My Lady’s Peahen
(Also, I’ve finished posting my Thirty Days of Text entries – I failed to make the full thirty days, but I still found it a valuable exercise. There’s a whole range of different genres and styles, so take a look here.)
